Sahadev is typing...
Eyes of Michelangelo’s David
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(5 minutes ago) Bhim said: Fuck those Kauravas
!(5 minutes ago) Nakul said: +1
(5 minutes ago) Arjun said: +2
(5 minutes ago) Yudhishtir said: Cursing isn’t the way. We of all people should know that.
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(5 minutes ago) Bhim said: [ ]
(4 minutes ago) Nakul said: [ ]
(4 minutes ago) Bhim said: While Sahadev sees everything & still leaves us on seen. 👀
(4 minutes ago) Arjun said: [ ]
(3 minutes ago) Yudhishtir said: [ ] anger [ ] is [ ] desire [ ] is what happened to our father [ ] [ ] holding one’s tongue.
(3 minutes ago) Nakul said: [ ] @Sahadev!
You are typing…
I am tired. So tired. All these words. Birds buzzing in my head. I am silenced. I have to. I must. All of you are beloved. I watched him die. I was there. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Me. I saw him clutch his heart. I heard Mother’s shrieks. I ran but I didn’t. My legs were missing. Where were my feet? I knew I had to move. How does one move? I knew I had to move. I told my feet, move. Come on. You know this. Move... ! I heard Mother wail. She screamed, the Gods are cruel. She screamed, Curse these Gods their curse! She screamed, and I heard her but I didn’t want to listen any longer. Move. I said. Where were you all? Someone help her. She screamed about desire and how it burns. Desire tore family apart. I heard her. I didn’t want to listen to her. Mother screamed, how is a man supposed to deny himself his desire? How is a man supposed to deny himself his fire? The ascetics said burn your mortality. Become God. But Men are made of fire. Men burn. Move legs. Move. Mother screamed. I heard the splinter of wood, a harsh piercing groan. I saw Mother drag our Father. Limp as a tree. She placed him on more wood and set his burnt form on fire. The flames licked him. Faster and faster and faster. Touched him, felt him. The Gods had cursed him. Lust and you die. Mother leapt into the flames. Love and you die. Move, legs. Now. I heard her. I smelled her. Crackle of flesh. The green of wood. The sap of life. Eroded. Erased. Turned inside out. Fire. Fire. Fire. Freed, I ran. Fire. Where were you? Didn’t you see the smoke rise? Or did you mistake it to be a fleshy cloud thick with rain? Ashes fell on me. I was doused. They seeped into my pores, into the thick of my flesh. My skin wept ash. Where were any of you? The wind carried her screams. Her ashes lingered on my tongue. I ran to the smoked wood. Filled my mouth with ash. Dry flakes. Warm. Like her embrace. His hands on my head. Youngest. I shouldn’t be watching them cremated. Where were you? I filled my mouth with their bones. They scraped against my gums. Blood; warm, salted; iron. Swords. My teeth crunched on their skeletal swords. My tongue thick with their black dust. Ashes and bones. Bones and ashes. All that is left of a home. A child shouldn’t see their parents coming undone. A parent shouldn’t undo their sons. Where were you? I ate and ate, the warm giving way to fire. Embers in my throat. Smoke escaped through my pores. I was Fire. I am on Fire. I didn’t burn. Failed to burn. I ate and ate. Ash, bone, ember. Where were you? Memories are ghosts. I am haunted. I ate their death. I am now a ruin. I inhale their air, their ghosts sucked into my lungs. I am a haunting. Her screams… swallowed by the birds. Shall I kill each one to hear her again? I want to hear her again. A scream will do. I am forgetting the scent of her laugh. How did she smile? I want to kill each bird. Shall I? Where were you? Someone stop me. Father was cursed. Mother watched the curse eat him alive. The Gods watched her watching him eaten alive. I watched her eaten alive by watching him eaten alive. The Gods watched me. I am still alive. Fire burns. I am still alive. Where were you? Ashes stuck in my teeth. Fleshy fragments in my nostrils. I can’t breathe. Smoke in my ears. Blackness makes my eyes. I can’t breathe. What is air? I am collapsing into the soft of their death. It’s warm. It’s nice. Memories. Touch. A kiss. Can I love you alive? Savitri
bargained. Could I free you from Death’s hands? Where were you? Memories. Father said, eat my remains. There is power in abstinence. Deny the flesh of its wants and needs. Become God. Die a human death. Eat my remains. Let me remain inside of me. Is what you wanted? My blood carries you. No, it doesn’t. You don’t live in me. I was not born of you. Ashes falling like confetti. I was not born to you. A mother slept with a God. What is a person? Legacy or lineage? Who were you? You have no legacy. I am not your lineage. I am my Mother’s child. Who are your sons? Where are they? I am a God’s son. Where are you? You said, eat my remains. I see a trail of ants carrying a piece of you. I am tired of ash and bones. I pluck it from their willowy hands. I swallow without letting my tongue know your taste. Eat my remains. Now I am your remains. I remain. I eat your flesh. My body revolts. I fall hard, crushing my skull. I ……………………………………………………. I now know everything that is, was, will. I know the beginning and the end. Eat my remains. There is power in abstinence. I know the history. I know the eventuality. I know the answers. I know all the answers. Eat my remains. Power in abstinence. I know all the answers. Power in abstinence. I KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS. I AM SCREAMING. Shall I kill the birds that know my curse? Power in abstinence. God sits on my parents' pyre. Looks me in the eye. Says, hold your tongue. Await the right questions. Why? There is power in abstinence. Answer a question with a question. Why? Let the world know their own worth by owning their words ??????????????? Unstring me from these words! Hold your tongue with both hands if you must… there is power in abstinence… I blink. There are ghosts instead... Eating into my remains. I remain. I wish to come undone……
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(Just now) You said: :)
Kauravas: The Pandavas refers to the five brothers namely, Yudhishthira, Bhima, Arjuna, Nakula and Sahadeva, who are the five acknowledged sons of Pandu and are central to the epic Mahabharata. The Pandavas waged a civil war against their extended family consisting of their cousins Kauravas led by Duryodhana and his brothers, as well as their preceptor and gurus Bhishma and Drona respectfully. This conflict was known as Kurukshetra War.
The Pandavas were regarded as the sons of the Kuru King Pandu and Kunti, however were fathered by different deities due to Pandu's inability of naturally conceiving children. Pandu could not conceive children due to a curse placed by a rishi, therefore the Pandavas were born using a mantra given to Kunti as a boon. Yudhishthira was sired by Yama the God of dharma and death, Bhima by Vayu the god of wind and strength, Arjuna by Indra the God of lighting and king of deities, while Nakula and Sahadeva were fathered by the divine twins Ashvins.
Pandu’s curse: While hunting in a forest (looking from a distance, his vision partially obscured by plants and trees), Pandu saw a couple of deer in the process of coitus, and shot arrows at them; only to find out that it was Rishi Kindama and his wife who were making love in the form of deer. The dying sage placed a curse on an unrepentant Pandu that was he to approach his wives with the intent of making love, he would die.
Savitri: According to legend, princess Savitri marries an exiled prince named Satyavan, who was prophesied to die early. The legend focuses on Savitri's wit and love, which saved her husband from the death god Yama.
Eat my remains/Pandu’s last request: Pandu had a premonition of his death and had told his sons to eat his flesh. Years of celibacy and meditation in the forest had given him great knowledge.
However, after Pandu died, his body was cremated. Sahadeva noticed ants carrying a tiny piece of their father’s body. He put that piece in his mouth. Instantly, he knew everything about the world—what had happened in the past and what would happen in the future. (Source: Devdutt Pattanaik’s Jaya)
God/Krishna: In Jaya, Devdutt Pattanaik writes that Krishna tells Sahadeva to “never tell what you know to anyone voluntarily. When a question is asked, reply with a question.”
The lines in the subtitle, “regarding the röttgen pietà” is by elle emerson) (italics my own)
No one is watching.
So why does it have to be beautiful?
You, in pain, are no closer to god than
You, in the drive thru or
You, checking your email or
You, holding your own hand.